Forward Force

Sometimes the heart has to ache a bit so you can find the way to create. It is in those hesitant spaces where the voices shout out you cannot do this but we must expand into the discomfort. I arrived on an early train into New York for a fabric show. Deep down I was holding back, present but not active.

A wonderful friend I had met in the academic and literary space took the train in from the Hudson Valley and we played fashion. I showed her around and explained how the industry worked and then we walked and enjoyed a marvelous lunch before I had to get ready to film and source fabrics for the collection.

That night I realized I wasn’t all in. My heart and soul did not really believe I could build the fashion house once again. It was time to break my own rules and fall in love with fashion again. The next day, I dressed in my Elsa Fitzgerald Kartini suit with my wingtip shoes and painted on my red lips, for it was time to show up for my dreams.

The most important person you have to convince is yourself. There is no faking until you make it. There is only understanding deeply that you love the journey and you are fully present leaning into your fears. This starts by truly questioning what is holding you back from realizing this is real and how you can bring more intentional force forward.

I had arrived, but I was not mentally present. I wasn’t even wearing a garment from my collection. It was cold, and it was much nicer to stay in my Doctoral fashion, as I call it, and simply walk around and note the suppliers I would engage the next day.
Paula arrived with her brightness and cheer, and we laughed and talked for hours. She would have very easily fit in with the fashion industry, walking the floor and being inspired by creativity.
Next on the train was Pat Bourque, arriving mid-day, as we sat on the rooftop in Tribeca planning out our content capture. This time I was ready and fully present in heart and mind. I was glad I had decided to wear this suit, as the fabric supplier mentioned, “Do you know you are wearing our lace?” I smiled and turned around, noting that I had sourced it from their collection and that I loved it. I was excited and inspired to find the most beautiful fabrics that will be shipped to Baltimore to sew these fashion ideas into the Elsa Fitzgerald house.
I found a little frangipani flower in a shop, and it served as a gentle reminder of Bali and of embracing this part of myself that is Indonesian, while building a fashion house through the varying chapters that make up this life. Don’t you just love the kites on the top of the shop walls? I might have to come back on my next visit to bring home that butterfly.

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